An Accidental Gardener - An Anecdote For Aspiring Writers

I would like to apologise for the long post in advance, please stick with me, I do have a point, I promise ;)

I want to start by telling you my experience of gardening. I think it's safe to say that during the Covid-19 pandemic, there have been times when we've all found ourselves with a little extra free time that we would have normally taken up with work, shopping, socialising or school runs but that now, we have felt at a loss as to how to fill these small yet significant voids.

In my experience and from things I have seen online and via social media, 2020 has been a year of innovation, creativity and remodelling for everyone the world over. Homes have become offices and schools; kitchens have become bakeries and gardens have become the new parks and fresh-aired sanctuaries. 

And what better way to enjoy your limited outside space and time than to spruce up those flower beds, grow some greens and generally create a safe, comfortable little oasis away from the home office, away from the never-changing scenery and away from the ever-changing, confusing restrictions.

Well, this was my thinking anyway when I clicked checkout on Amazon after putting packets of mixed flower seeds and mineral-infused compost in my basket because obviously, lockdown had suddenly turned me into Charlie Dimmock!

So, the very next day, (thank you Amazon Prime!) I donned my gardening gloves, pulled out the neglected potting trays and got to work creating what I’d imagined would be the start of my Italian-inspired garden, overflowing with mature bougainvillea, brightly coloured with geraniums and lightly scented with lavender, however, my dream was not to be. 

I planted the seeds lovingly and placed the trays in a temporary greenhouse until the seedlings would be strong enough to survive the hostile environment of the flowerbeds. I followed the instructions, keeping them moist and giving them direct sunlight whist protecting their vulnerable little lives from the elements. 

Within a week, tiny green shoots carpeted the pots and my Italian dream came one step closer to fruition. Spring had sprung and the ever-improving weather lent the perfect conditions to boost the growth and vitality of my new outside happy place. 

Now, I don't think I've mentioned yet that I live in England, and therein lies the death of my Mediterranean sanctum.

The plants continued to grow healthy and strong and they even began to bud. I've never been a keen or successful gardener and so my delight with their progress was palpable. As is typical in England, days of sunshine and pleasant temperatures were interrupted by winds and rain. I decided that it was best to leave my young plants within the protection of their temporary home, after all, they need certain conditions in order to thrive and I needed them to thrive!

I awoke one morning after a particularly windy night and went to the garden to do my rounds. The sadness I felt at the sight that greeted me brought tears to my eyes.

Scattered across the floor were all my plants and empty potting trays. The greenhouse lay desolate across the slabs, it’s job as a protector and insulator aborted. It had failed. I had failed. Weeks of care and preparation wasted, my Italian utopia destroyed. 

I contemplated giving up, sweeping the remnants of my short-lived success into the garden bin but part of me just couldn't do it. I just couldn't take that away from the life that had already began, the work and effort and care that I'd invested, the happiness and pride I’d felt when it was all going right. I couldn't just throw it all away and give up and pretend that I was unaffected by it. 

My dream wasn't forgotten and I wasn’t prepared to abandon all hope at the first sign of difficulty. 

Not even bothering with the gloves, I got to work straight away upending the trays and gently scooping the plants into pots. Many of them were broken, many had soil-less roots and many were missing, completely scattered and never to be seen again. The end result was a sorry looking state of disfigured stems taking up half the space that they used to. I swept up the remaining debris and hoped for the best. 

I was downhearted and downtrodden but I comforted myself in the knowledge that the funny thing about living things is that they're extremely adaptable. Life takes all shapes and sizes and even when life is difficult, it's also amenable. 

I gave the plants the TLC they deserved and crossed my fingers. The days and weeks that followed saw about half the remaining plants overcome their trauma and the other half succumb to the easiest option of wilting away. 

Now with only a quarter of my original crop, I decided that it was time to put them in their new forever home. They had already faced so much difficulty that I figured replanting them couldn't cause any more harm. The weather remained unpredictable with equal measures of sunshine and rain and so I decided to let nature do what it does best.

As the lockdown eased and a semblance of normality began to return, my green-fingered time became less and less. I had done my best, I had provided optimum conditions, I had tried to salvage the wreck of the storm and I had followed the instructions to the letter. Now all I could do was wait. I watched as the plants struggled against the upheaval, struggled against the elements and even struggled against each other, fighting for space, sunshine and survival. Many of them won, it wasn't so much a case of survival of the fittest, as a survival of the most determined. I watched as they grew and flowered but I couldn't help feeling that they would have been much bigger and stronger than they were, had they not been tossed around by the wind. 

My investment in the plants began to wane. I had done all I could but I hadn't succeeded. How quickly things had gone south from big dreams and excitement to dejection and disinterest. What was the point in trying to be a gardener when I didn't have any experience? Why Invest in a dream that could so easily be demolished? Why use so much of my time creating the ideal conditions and caring about something only for it to end up being wasted? 

This is why...

Today I went out to mow the lawn only to be greeted by this. A bushy, blooming, thriving Sweet Alyssum plant that had grown between the cracks of the slabs. But not only that, several plants had shot up around the patio area in cracks and crevices blooming white, purple and orange flowers. Around the concrete slabs!

Now let me explain that these gaps are very thin, the slabs are laid on a bed of sand and the patio area doesn't receive an awful lot of sunlight through the day. The recent weather has also been more autumnal than summery and without any help, without any extra care and without any protection from the elements, these plants are the most successful of the lot! I succeeded! I didn't achieve what I set out to achieve nor did I achieve it the way I thought I would but nevertheless, I have a patio half-covered in bright, bushy plants. 

Granted, it’s not ideal to have to tiptoe over the patio whenever I want to go to the garden but the sight of these stubborn little flowers make me smile every single time, I see them and they remind me of the strength of overcoming adversity.

Okay, it wasn't quite like this, however...

Sometimes, no matter how hard you try to create the perfect conditions, all you needed to do was use your current conditions to your advantage. They remind me never to give up at the first hurdle and not to get disheartened by failure because through failure, triumph can prevail. They show me that no matter what the foundation, nothing can grow if you never plant the seeds and they teach me that however small the probability, however overwhelming the task seems, there's space for everything to exist in its own way. On its own, surrounded by others, fighting through overcrowding, there is room for everything and everything deserves its chance to try and succeed in an unpredictable world, in an environment of it’s own. It’s not always easy, it's not always sheltered and it will always be subjected to external forces but it will always be a symbol of strength, of dedication, of vulnerability and of you. 

So if you're that writer who struggles to believe in their own contributions, if your that author who feels vulnerable putting their work out there, if you’re that poet who let's negative feedback constrict your growth, please, please, please, remember this story, remember the growth that comes from adversity and remember that your place in the writing world is just as valid, just as important and just as viable as anyone else's. And most importantly, remember that even creating the perfect environment won't guarantee success. What guarantees success is taking what you have already and making it work for you. 

Breathing words.

In a world full of chaos, confusion and uncertainty, there is nothing like the sharp, definitive blackness of comic sans to bring me into focus (other fonts are available ;) ).  I have always had a soft spot for words, vocabulary and expression via the written word but that soft spot has slowly and uncontrollably snowballed into a need, a desire, a passion!

Whenever I sit and think about where my life is heading - and at the tender age of 34 I still haven't discovered where that is - I become so overwhelmed with words and thoughts that it's impossible for me to ignore or dismiss.  They are there, like it or not, bubbling over in my brain, breeding and multiplying like the proverbial rabbit, my hand subconsciously itching to expel them onto whatever medium is available.  It's a need!  Not a choice but a tsunami of vocabulary spilling forth onto paper or screen or a napkin I have to hand.  And as much as I enjoy these creative eruptions, it's the profound sense of peace, clarity and organisation that follows which truly shows me that this passion is a gift, a natural birth right, a DNA sourced gene that is a building block of who, and what, I am.

Isaac Asimov has been quoted as saying, "Writing, to me, is simply thinking through my fingers", and I agree with this wholeheartedly, as well as Wordsworth's quote instructing, "Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart".  Is there any truer concept for a writer than that their writing is borne of an unstoppable binding of heart, mind and soul that simply has to be expelled?

And how do I hone this passion?  How can I perfect and indulge and feed this God-given part of me?  By consuming the very thing I want to produce.  Surrounding myself with the work of those who learned before me and those that learn alongside me. By absorbing the written word in as many forms as possible and by letting the passion of others always be a fuel to my fire. I just have to remember to always stoke the flames.  :)

"Throughout human history, our greatest leaders and thinkers have used the power of words to transform our emotions, to enlist us in their causes, and to shape the course of destiny. Words can not only create emotions, they create actions. And from our actions flow the results of our lives".

Tony Robbins

Is there any worthier passion, than a passion with the power to change the world?

Make Or Break.

Inspiration is everywhere.   In every breath - from the wonders of the intricacies of the human body at work - to the unexplainable workings of the little known universe.   As humans, we stand on a spinning rock, in the midst of mostly undiscovered nothingness, creating life from the most microscopic of cells, while searching for more than the invisible gas that sustains our very existence.

We time ourselves by a burning ball of gas that we magically orbit while relying on a distant rock that magically orbits us.  Do we need more inspiration than that?  Than our very own existence and life?  It appears so, because for all the wondrous, unexplainable occurrences that give and sustain our lives, we always want more.

For me personally, inspiration comes in the form of successes and failures.   Personal successes show me that I can achieve things given the right set of circumstances.  They inspire me to create those circumstances in order to achieve greater things more often.

The success of others shows me that there are no obstacles too big, no worthy excuses, there are no limits except the limits that I set for myself! They inspire me to think bigger, try harder, go further and never be afraid to veer off a used path or think differently.

Success, to me, inspires me to gain perspective, believe in myself and my capabilities and to celebrate achievement no matter how small!

Failure! Eugh, how I hate that word and it's very existence! But unfortunately, failure is part of life and you can either let it defeat and define you or, you can let it build and strengthen you!

Failure is my greatest inspiration because it teaches me that I can't quit. That giving up isn't an option because my failure has already lead me closer to my success.  That the journey to achievement is equally as important as the achievement itself.  I learn so much about myself from my failures that I know I couldn't ever have succeeded without those lessons first.

Failures remind me that I'm human and that anything worth having is worth striving and fighting for but more importantly, they remind me that I'm already more successful than those that never even tried!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT.

If you're going out to eat but you don't like the menu options, do you still go there to eat anyway or do you decide to find something better/ more suitable for you to enjoy your evening? If you do decide to eat there anyway, if you are unhappy with the food, quality or service, do you ignore it and continue to waste your time and money on something so unsatisfactory or do you complain and demand replacements, refunds, exchanges? Do you continue to visit the same establishment based on your previous poor experience or do you avoid it and tell your friends to do the same?
Why is it that we seem so much more concerned about minor things such as eating out than we are about our lives? Why will we turn away from a restaurant because we don't like what we see, yet we continue on a path in life that is equally as unappealing? Why do we fight for our rights as a paying customer when we are unhappy with our service/experience yet we don't fight for our own success and happiness and opportunities in life which cost us dearly in time? Why do we always prioritise the small picture when the big picture is the most important? Why does fighting for our future and livelihood seem such an unimportant, overwhelming or impossible task that it takes a back-seat to the minor and insignificant moments that we use as mirages in our arid existences?
Don't get me wrong, the little things and moments are important and meaningful and they can create a wealth of cherished memories and a valuable and enriched life but they need to be interlinked with your life on a larger scale. They need to embellish your life, not create it.
If you don't like the look of your life right now, then don't keep going forward with it, change it. If you're not happy with a situation or position that you're in now,  then fight your way out of it.  You have a right to be happy, a right to success, a right to achieve, a right to want something different, something better and most importantly a right to believe in yourself, want for yourself and try for yourself.  No one will fight for you the way that you can and no one can inspire you if you don't want to be motivated and encouraged.
Stop settling for less than you want, less than you're happy with and less than you deserve. Fight for yourself, fight for your life, fight for your future and fight for your happiness. Love yourself, you deserve it! 😁

WHAT IS HAPPINESS?

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, happiness has the following definition;

1.  obsolete: good fortune: prosperity

 2.  a state of well-being and contentment: joy

a pleasurable or satisfying experience

3.  felicity, aptness

 

But what brings about this state of well-being and contentment?  How do we measure felicity and satisfaction? 

 

I am certainly no scholar, and this piece is no means a professional research paper based on anything more than my minds' internal workings.  It is simply a meandering of thoughts and a collection of contemplations hoping to provoke and insight.

 

So what is happiness? 

 

Is it physical, mental, emotional, spiritual?  Is it brain-related or heartfelt?  Is it in relation to how we see ourselves or our perception of how others see us?  Or is it nothing more than a cocktail of chemical reactions temporarily distracting ourselves from our normal life-induced state of being?

 

Is it possible to be happy most - if not all - of the time, or is happiness simply a passing luxury when the universe conspires to grant us temporary relief and elation?  Or is it given from and gifted to a higher power?  The ever-elusive state of happiness, is a much-debated, much-researched topic and has been (and I'm guessing will be) for many years of existence, way beyond those of our own.

 

We use the term happiness to describe a range of emotions, surprise; gratitude; fulfillment; satisfaction; joy; contentment and blessed among others.  We actually look for happiness in different situations and different states of being.  So throughout your day, at work, at home, in social situations, we're searching for this elusive quality in ourselves and others, in our surroundings and experiences.  Happiness is something we strive for, consciously or otherwise, and that alone tells us of the importance that being happy - or being perceived to be happy - has on our psyche daily.

 

Therefore, if happiness is a state of consciousness and awareness, does that mean that one can simply choose to be happy?  Is it a choice that comes with a certain level of acceptance and understanding?  Are you happy if you feel contentment in only one area of your life, while at the same time you're decidedly unsatisfied with all the others?  Does happiness exist in the past or the future or can we only feel happiness in the present?  The truth is, happiness is internal to our own desires and needs.  What makes one person happy is never going to be the winning formula for anyone else.  You can't make someone happy and you can't force your happiness on them, each persons' own happiness is individual and unique to themselves, determined by their own construed understanding of their current wants and needs.

 

So what stops us from being happy? 

 

At a time when the world is becoming more and more technology driven, and life is becoming increasingly complicated, are we putting too much pressure on ourselves to be happy and find happiness?  Are we so bogged down in the daily rat-race and so desensitised to the constant stream of media images that we overlook genuine moments of joy in our own lives, while making comparisons with others, and forgetting to appreciate the small things we experience?  Do we see happiness as being so far out of our grasp, that we set the level of expectations too high - out of reach even?  Or is it that we relate happiness to material things, status and achievement and without these things the very notion of happiness escapes us?  Happiness is an intention, what do you tie this intention to?  Did you wake up today intending to be happy?  Is that even possible?  Have you over-looked a collection of satisfactory moments in your search for a constant state of bliss?

 

Happiness and Psychology.

 

Like I said, I am in no way qualified in any area for this to be considered anything other than random musings.  But from what I can gather, there seems to be a general consensus in the psychology field that there are three types of happiness.  

 

Firstly, comes pleasure.  A short-term high derived from quick and easy exploits, gaining momentary enjoyment.  Secondly is passion.  This derives of hard work and achievement, when you put your time and effort into something that you really care about and finally get the results you hoped for.  And thirdly, is purpose.  A feeling of belonging as you feel part of something bigger than yourself.  I think it's safe to say that the majority of us have all experienced pleasure and passion at some point in our lives, if not purpose, so therefore we are all capable of happiness and have all experienced it but only in temporary states.

 

Although we now have a way to recognise happiness, human emotion is not an exact science.  There is no formula or recipe, no guidelines or instruction leaflet,  happiness cannot be portrayed as a one-size-fits-all state.  We are ultimately responsible for our own happiness.

 

Happiness and Science.

 

We all know that our feeling and emotions are tied to chemical releases and reactions in our bodies.  there is still a lot we don't know about the human body and brain in particular.  But thanks to science, we can know the chemical influences that can affect our own happiness.  There are four chemicals that can be involved when we feel happy: dopamine, which is the chemical responsible for anticipation and reward-incentive behaviour; oxytocin, the chemical responsible for bonding and physical relationships; serotonin, which is responsible for your mood and contributes to feelings of happiness and well-being; and, endorphins, the chemical responsible for relieving pain and giving feelings of pleasure and euphoria.

 

So you see, your body is designed to create feelings of happiness in a variety of situations.  It genuinely is inside you to feel good and content, you're chemically prepared for such if only we knew how to have open access to these internal reactions.

 

Happiness and Philosophy.

 

The theory and pursuit of happiness is as old as humankind.  We are not born happy, we choose to be.  Life isn't perfect, but there are perfect moments.  All it takes is for us to look, recognise and embrace, there are opportunities everywhere, however small, for us to find pleasure in life and it all begins from within us.

 

For most religions, happiness is the concept of following an ethical path and behaviour.  By doing this, and taking pleasure in all things, you will gain enlightenment and enrichment and this will lead you to the path of true, everlasting happiness.

 

Ancient philosophers such as Plato, Aristotle and Socrates all attribute happiness to harmonising your soul and finding inner tranquillity, so stop setting yourself such high expectations, stop allowing the outside world to pollute you and your thoughts, stop pressuring yourself at home/work/school and allow your thoughts and words and actions to synchronise for your own good and create your own happiness because the only place you can find it is inside yourself.

 

 

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony" - Mahatma Gandhi

 

 

"Happiness is not something ready made.  It comes from your own actions" - Dalai Lama